I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
