i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
