I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
