I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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