I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
