There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
