you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
