So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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