Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
