i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
