I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
