Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
