He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
