sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
