did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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