and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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