i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
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Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
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Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize