You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
