Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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