Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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