yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
