he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
