Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
