i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
be right there i have to get my cape
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
