After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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