my phone needs a breathalizer
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize
