she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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