Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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