I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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