Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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