Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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