Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
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They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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