you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
