in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
