I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
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He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
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i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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