I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
