"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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