shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
