RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
