I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
