remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
