Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize