Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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