If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
