I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
