ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
