nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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