He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
