i don't like sucking hair
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
