So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
