The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
it's like heaven, but drunker
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
