how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
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