I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
