So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
