At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
