and you said cock pushups were impossible
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize