my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
