I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I need a burrito and a hug.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
