There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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