you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize