If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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