so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
