so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
