My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
