i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
