Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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