You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
