Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
