Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
