She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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