I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
